To whom it may concern,
I trust this out-of-office email finds you in fine fettle.
I am unable to respond to your request at this present time, due to a short period of planned absence in until
Should you require assistance before this date, please do not hesitate to contact my colleague at .
Dearest email enquirer,
Apologies for this automatically generated email.
Unfortunately, I am on currently annual leave in , due to return to work on .
If your matter must be taken care of before my return, please contact my colleague at .
Thank you for your email. I am on holiday in at the moment, and will be back at work on .
For anything urgent, please contact .
I'm on holiday in at the moment, so I won't be able to reply until my return on .
If it's urgent, don’t worry - get in touch with at .
As you read this, I'm having a well-needed holiday in .
Even though I'd love to reply, I've locked my phone in the hotel room safe while I'm recharging my batteries / turning over on my sun lounger like a rotisserie chicken.
I'll be back on , and while I'm sure your email wasn't too critical, email at if it can't wait - they’re picking up urgent messages while I’m away.
As you can probably guess from this lightning-fast reply, I'm not here right now. I'm living it up in . Oh yes.
So even though I'll probably read your email while having breakfast on the sun terrace, or maybe even while I'm waiting for my mojito at the pool bar, please don't expect a response 'til I get back on .
If it really can't wait, will be able to help. And I love nothing more than giving them extra work to do. Email them at .
D'you want the good news or the bad news?
Okay let's get the bad news out of the way first…
The bad news for you is that I’m on my jollies in right now, probably at this very second.
The good news for you is that has been lumbered with all my work while I’m away. And you can add to their workstack at .
After months of counting down the days, planning my day trips, dreaming about lounging by the beachside or poolside, shopping for cozzies and shorts and tops and flip flops, obsessing over TripAdvisor reviews without worrying too much about what some bald bloke from Stoke said about a big black hair he found in the shower that couldn’t have been theirs because his wife is a blonde, and even occasionally unscrewing a bottle of Malibu just so I can take a long hard sniff of those tropical holiday smells, I’ve finally made it to , and right now, it’s highly likely I’m .
So even though I can’t reply, I know you’ll be happy for me.
I’ll tell you all about it when I get back on . That’s if the realisation of being home doesn’t hit me too hard.
If it’s urgent, email .
Is there anything worse than sending someone an email, only for their annoying little autoresponder to chirp back with something all jokey and cheerful like “soz, on holiday in at the mo, probs right now, hope it’s not raining where you are lolz it’s scorching here ☀”?
I’m back in on . If it’s urgent, email .
Sorry. Can’t reply. Away in
just now. Making my way through my to-do list. Totally stacked…
- Put towels down at crack of dawn
- Eat bodyweight at breakfast buffet
- Burn off bacon with aqua aerobics
- Cosmo at beach bar (cos I can)
- Hire out pedalo.
- Forget how tiring pedalo is
- Play bingo by pool
- Catch last rays before sunset
- Giant bag of Lays on balcony
- Cake body in aftersun
- Eat bodyweight for dinner
- Do Macarena until sleepy
And repeat until
Can’t it wait? Email
See ya, (wouldn’t wanna be ya 😎),
aka the bronze bombshell